These are my happy thoughts.

Here’s some highlights from 2015:

I met this handsome girl two years ago and for some reason, she chose me to fall in love with. She’s highly intelligent, she writes me love letters, and loves everything that I am (which is new and wonderful and frightening too.) She looks at life and gender and sexuality in a way that’s completely different from the way I do, but somehow it’s made me examine my own thoughts and even change my mind.

I managed to quit smoking (!) and celebrated two years drug and alcohol free.

I admitted that I was spiraling into a scary depression and got help before I became actively suicidal again. I now take medication and go to therapy like a good girl and it seems to be helping.

I made an uneasy truce with myself over self-care. I now see my doctors regularly and try to take care of me.

My mom moved back to Ohio from Virginia, and took over caretaking for my grandma. (Now I really have no excuse not to focus on myself.)

I started really learning to embrace my masculinity and enjoy the part of myself that never got over not being born a boy.

I bought a really excellent strap-on harness (see above notes about embracing my masculinity.) Thanks, Aslan Leather!

I learned how to wear powder, concealer and foundation. I learned to apply lipstick without smudging. I learned to be okay when I want to wear it everyday. I’m still trying to feel okay when I don’t.

I saved a litter of kittens and we kept one… (seems like the best note to end on…)

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