Everything I’ve done…

I’ve done for you. David Bowie, you will be sorely missed.

The Labyrinth was my adolescence, except, of course, I would have said yes. I’ve always said yes. I just sometimes said yes to the wrong people, or said yes when I secretly meant no. I was a victim of my own choosing. The power of my “no” was taken away when I was very young, in ways that I can’t even fully bring myself to remember. I wonder if it wasn’t for my father, if I might have had a chance at saying no. No to the abusive relationships I attracted time after time, no to sex I didn’t really want, no to anyone who made me feel uncomfortable or anxious or afraid.

A. can say no. Her no is loud and firm and absolute. I love her for her ability to fight for herself. I know she didn’t always value herself enough to be able to challenge anything either. I’m still stuck there. I don’t have any personal value. I’d like to get there, I’d like to see myself the way that the people who love me see me. I’d like to protect and love myself enough to say no.

…But I would still have said yes to the Goblin King.


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